✨🌹✨ The Man We Love ✨🌹✨
“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. ”
Psalms 143 : 8
✨Ladies … and gentlemen ✨
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I want you to be in your most comfortable position when reading or listening to this gem. After a long absence from my website, I needed to refill myself and acquire more stability around me.
I wish this beautiful message speaks to every soul that reads it. This is a message for everyone. I believe this will resonate with women who would love to safely tap in their sensitivity, and safely put down the walls built as a result of hurt, the hurt which in turns unknowingly scar them. There is the right way to protect your heart, and the wrong way will destroy you. But that is a conversation for another day! I also pray it brings more clarity to men aspiring to be more loving, romantic, and wish to act more like gentlemen.
The main point of this gem is just to highlight some core criteria, the man we (ladies) love, has to create a safe space around us. My title points might be atypic but allow yourself to enjoy the flow with me.
✨The gentle & soothing whisperer ✨
This is probably the first and most trivial characteristic a man can display. I am not referring to someone who sugarcoats your feelings, sweetens your ears, pours honey in your soul, and later evaporates like a gas. Not that man! But a man who speaks life and not death. A man who speaks what his faith acquired and not the issues his eyes perceive. A man whose words are gentle but the actions are firm.
Baby… Look, I am doing push-ups …. you can’t even do five push-ups ❌
Baby… Look, I am doing push-ups … oh nice, let me help you out ✅
The first reply will plant a seed of doubt & discouragement, the second plants a seed of confidence & encouragement. With the first man, you may feel incapable, a constant need to prove you can do it & unworthy … With the second man, he acknowledges your effort and makes sure you do it properly. What an encouraging and helpful man!
✨The scented burning candle ✨
This has a lot to do with the type of energy a man fills the room with. Do you feel threatened, insecure, lonely, undesired, useless, rejected in his presence and at ease, out of his presence? Or do you feel safe, welcomed, appreciated, valued in his presence? A man who only seeks to feel good without extending that sentiment to its surrounding will never be a pleasant burning candle around you.
My dear Kings, what kind of atmosphere do you create within your kingdom? An atmosphere of fear? , boredom? When you feel bad, do you rub your energy on her or punish her by your long silence? Do you create an environment of lust or a sanctified environment? Do you Only need her; when you feel like it, when you have sexual arousal, when you need someone to cook or take care of the kids, when you’re bored, when you are not too busy with work or friends, when you are done checking the latest news or social media feed? The issue is not necessarily these actions in themselves but the fact that they have more priority than the well-being of your partner.
✨The observant clock ✨
This is quite a particular trait. It requires listening to the details, not just to the overall message, and then acting on it. You may care for someone but lack the wisdom to DEMONSTRATE how you care for them. This is the essence of loving your Queen. This embodies your Queen’s love language. It is not about loving someone the way you perceive love but loving them in the way THEY perceive love. There are currently 5 love languages; Words of affirmation, Quality time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts. Let’s take a typical scenario; How many times have you heard your Queen complain she is exhausted or not in the greatest shape? What have you done? … Here are my suggestions depending on your Queen’s love language
Honey, I am tired … I feel overwhelmed and I haven’t been feeling good lately.
Words of affirmation: I am sorry about that. You are such a strong, hardworking woman but I equally believe my Queen deserves to rest and relax. Would you like me to help you out with anything?
Quality time: For this Queen, ask her what are the sources of her stress, let her speak out & be empathetic to how she feels … then offer to do an activity with her to help her relax and offer to help in whatever may be stressing her out.
Acts of service: Find out what is overwhelming her, if it is the house chores, go ahead & help her … Whatever it is, make sure you ask her in what you could be of help and do anything that could alleviate her burden.
Physical touch: This Queen might need to be first comforted with a hug or a kiss then a massage, and helping her in the task that stresses her might be of great help
Receiving Gifts: Helping her in what stresses her and offering a lovely massage or something she enjoys.
Again the circumstances and environment may hinder to what extent a loving man might be able to do this but a willing and caring soul will seize any opportunity to reassure his Queen.
✨The balanced gold ✨
This is where the man’s character is tested whenever he is financially stable or not. There is nothing more unattractive than a man who reminds you of any financial effort he does for you. The other layer includes how he behaves when he doesn’t have enough money. Is he intentional in giving you the best he can at his lowest? Yes, he may not be able to pay you the fanciest dinners, but does he think of a picnic, or cook you dinner, or a bike ride/walk in the park? Is he grumpy, verbally abusive, and unpleasant when he is low on cash? Does he suddenly feel belittle or insecure because you may earn more than him? Does he value your help or support? … Or robs in your face that your help is insignificant/ belittles it and states that he doesn’t owe you anything?
What a beautiful thing to find a man who has a vision for his finances, spiritual life, career, family and creates a special place for you in his vision.
Additionally, a golden man knows he equally needs to support your dream. It is not just about providing financial support to your ambitions but be part of your ambitions. It could be done by contributing ideas, asking questions, or researching ways, your ambitions could transition from an idea to a reality. An effective financially responsible person understands that money is better used when you already planned how you were going to use it. Hence, a man who wants to be part of your ambitions will invest himself in the planning before he has the financial resources to help you further. Whether your Queen is/wants to be a seamstress, artist, cook, blogger, engineer, coach, business owner, hairstylist, jewelry maker, be part of her ambition. Ladies, don’t be fooled by a man who only thinks of supporting you only when he believes he will have money. Finances is not the only form of support a man can provide you.
✨The wise friend ✨
Oouuhh … ✨ ✨ ✨ this is probably the sexiest and honorable characteristics a man can possess. This man knows how to care about the sensitivity of your heart. When you bring up an issue or concern to him, he listens, acknowledges your feelings, sympathizes with you then advise you (if needed). Ladies, make sure you tell your partner when you are just venting and only needs him to listen and sympathize with you, without needing him to advise you. If you need his input, make sure you let him know and be receptive to it. You may not agree with his input or advice but acknowledge his contribution.
Dear Kings, when your Queen is talking to you, try to find out if she is only venting or if she needs advice. Avoid unnecessary input, if you deem it is necessary to advise her, be subtle. I don’t care how “real or truthful” you are, in those moments especially, talk ( or advise her ) using comforting words. You are not talking to your colleague, your buddy, your little brother, or your regular guy friend with whom you have a good chat. Avoid triggering comments such as: You are always like that … Why did you behave like that? … You are so dramatic… You are too emotional … Are you on your period? … You always get mad for everything… You are too old to behave like that… Why do you have to be so loud? … Speak up, I can’t hear you … All of this is your fault… You never understand… The list goes on. The sensitivity of each Queen is different but use gentle words. It is not about what you say but HOW you say it.
✨The intimate entry ✨
What a cute thing to look strong and courageous but what a beautiful thing to be vulnerable with your Queen. Being emotionally open doesn’t make you less of a man. There is something repellent about a man who never needs help, who doesn’t want to share his pain, and who always wants to be left alone whenever he has issues. Allow your Queen to pour love and provide comfort in times of distress. Acknowledging and sharing your pain is a step towards healing and the solution. The reason why I named it intimate entry is because you can’t and shouldn’t be vulnerable with everyone. Why do you always run to your friends ( who may end up misleading you ) and never to your Queen? There is beauty, unity, and strength when you can confide in your Queen. Confiding to your Queen doesn’t hinder you from taking the time to think about how you could solve the issue.
What Kings often forget is that their Queens have a sensitivity sensor. When you are handling a business you haven’t told your Queen, whenever it frustrates you, she feels it. It often affects your mood, the way you behave, or the words you use. Ladies, when your King speaks to you, be calm and quiet, and let him fully express himself. Ladies, please fight the need to scream, to interrupt him, to ask thousands of questions, to blame him, to belittle his feelings, and learn to manage your facial expressions while he is confiding to you. Whatever you intend to say, first sympathize with what he is going through whether he was wrong or not. Then, make sure to be gentle in the words you use. It doesn’t matter how “real or important” your advice is, speak life and not death in the soul of your King. Be subtle, compose, calm when you talk to him.
✨The humble warrior ✨
This is a characteristic that requires a lot of wisdom, endurance, and humility. Dear kings, how do you react when things are not going well around you? What do you do while the situation is getting resolved? Do you get upset and out of character? Do you impose a negative silence and stay in your bubble? What happens when you disagree with your Queen? Do you impose what needs to be done or try to understand her suggestion? What happens when your Queen points out something you did wrong? Are you quick to flip the script and tell her: “you do that too” or “you do worst than that” Or do you put aside your preconceived ideas and try to understand where she is coming from?
Dear Kings, learn to pick your battles, seek help, or ask when you don’t know, acknowledge when you are wrong. Before defending or explaining your point start by saying SORRY with no additional comment or “but”. You can proceed to explain what were your intentions but it doesn’t change the fact that your actions may have hurt your partner. It is important to apologize to her whether or not you understand why your partner is hurt. Finally, to be an excellent king, you must have learned from another excellent king. If you haven’t sat down and submitted an area of your life to Jesus ( the king by excellence), you will fail to execute your duty as a king in that same domain. A true King’s nature is observed in his capacity of leader and servitude to his Queen, the same way Jesus gave his life for the church.
May I re-instate this is not all the core criteria, Queens look for, in their kings. This could equally vary per Queen. I just wanted to highlight some criteria that are similar from one Queen to another. Every Queen has her specific criteria and this may be different depending on the environment in which she was raised.
I hope you enjoyed this gem.
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Have a blessed day …
Signed ✨🤎HerBlackQueen🤎✨!
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